I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
