The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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