Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
