oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
