Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
