If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
