Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
