And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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