Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
