I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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