ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
