I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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