i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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