mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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