I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i wish my penis had a tongue
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
