Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize