i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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