I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
