great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
