Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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