i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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