the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
