we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize