Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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