I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
