i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
