I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Congratulations! We have a period
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
