I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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