I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
