At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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