a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's not a walk of shame if you run
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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