I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
