it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
