Im at strip club and am horny
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
