Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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