he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
