he thought i was a dude.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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