uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
