i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
