So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
