Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We are all done wearing pants today
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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