can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
