So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
