I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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