I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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