dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
