She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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