Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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