4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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