Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
