May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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