she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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