There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize