Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
