I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
