**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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