so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
