Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize