I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
