Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
