Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
