Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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