i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
