Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
