**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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