Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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